Sometimes you have to face it. I have never gotten over anything. At least not anything that hurt. Every loss, every slight, every single fight.
Oh, I'm not mad at anybody. I figure we all hurt other people because of the hurt that we have in our hearts. We justify our feelings so that we can carry on without being crippled by guilt.
Now, somehow, I feel like I'm learning to forgive myself. I wish that I had never said an unkind word, passed an outstretched hand, ignored a plea for love, for understanding. It would be comforting to claim that I've done the best I could. That wouldn't be true. I had the best teachers for love who ever lived.
For me, now, that's more than half the battle. To expect "forgiveness" from someone else is to presume that I have the power to determine that someone else has done something wrong. I don't have any such power.
Sometimes you just have to live by the bumperstickers even if it takes fifty years to understand them. For me it's all "peace and love and rock'n'roll."
Watching the derby on TV reminds me that there's nothing to even get excited about until the home stretch. Keep an eye on me.
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