Monday, April 15, 2024

Dogs In Polite Society


I had to cross an ocean. Now I live. Before I waited to live. 

Sometimes I walk in the field and sometimes I ride on the bus. I pet the dog and we're both aware of every stroke. Romance is woven into every scenario. William and Myrna would be well-cast in our fairytale story.

Hold the bubble and squeak, I'm just coming. I'll wade in the Gulf for a short visit soon and I'll drive on the right side for a couple of weeks. I still dream of peace on earth and an end to this dreadful, dreadful war.

Sunday, April 7, 2024

Put The Squeeze On Verlin

Some days it don't pay to get up. What do you suppose snake handlers do on their day off? Boys, I've got better things to do than....

Wait a minute! No, I don't. I don't have a single thing to do. Oh, I could write a song. I could cut the grass. We all know that there are too many songs in the world as it is and I've written more than my fair share. The grass? I don't need to tell you that it will grow right back.

The Christian work ethic was a cruel hoax. I hope I may serve as a bad example to a few of you aspiring layabouts and ne'er-do-wells. Celebrate with me. Tell 'em you're meditating or something.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.


Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Artists and Models and Grease Monkeys


We all spend our lives trying to "get back home." The longer you live, the more obvious it is, I suppose. Folks with the means travel. Some seek through spiritual paths and others find the bottle.

In my new role as the poster boy for the quest, home found me. Now, to be clear, without Kate as the delivery agent, I wasn't going to find anything. It took me years to give up my dream to move to England and two weeks to get it back. 

Home is where they drive on the wrong side of the street. Home is where Kate lives.

Monday, March 25, 2024

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thirsty


These days I keep up with friends mostly through dreams. When I arrived in England, I wondered if I would hear regularly from the people in my life. I don't. 

For a sentimental fool like me, you would think that would be a tragedy of some degree. It's not.

Memories have always been my greatest treasures. These new ones are divine.

I hope this doesn't translate as some idea that I don't miss anyone. I do. I'll see you in my dreams.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

All The Saints Are Self-Employed


You fix what you can in this world. Sometimes the rules aren't fair. You can't always use that as your excuse. Just make sure that you're not missing any of the magic by tilting at the wrong windmills.

There aren't many valid excuses for not being kind. Righteous indignation shouldn't stop the party.

Take care of the lonely ones and don't pass up dessert.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war. I'll see you in Florida in April.

Thursday, March 14, 2024

I Don't Play Frumps or Virgins

We're all going to end up with the same prize. We might as well have some fun along the way. Everyone eventually discovers that there is a "worry quota" that can't be denied. Let's face it, if they hadn't set up the customer call centre somewhere in the middle of India, you would have some other monumental crisis to fill your day.

Remind yourself of the miracles. Keep in mind that you've never experienced anyone who was too kind. Don't take anyone or anything too seriously, but don't take anyone for granted.

If you don't believe in magic, maybe you should get up in time for the sunrise tomorrow. If you don't believe in ghosts, maybe you should spend some time remembering that last dog. The one before, too.

As you can see, spell check has continued to "correct" some of my gibberish into the proper British form
and not the rest, so that I come across as a half-literate imbecile regardless of where you read this dribble. There- now I have something to worry about for the next little while.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.


Sunday, March 10, 2024



The folks who make the rules make rules for the folks who make the rules. Majorities don't always decide. The trick would seem to be to convince the masses that your concern is for them.

Seems to me that, unless you're born to the ruling class, the only way to win is to refuse to play. Oh, you can marry into it, or you can grovel and claw your way in. Even then, you're not really one of them, are you?

Your kids won't really be in the club, either. Their kids might, if everybody keeps his eye on the ball. 

Here's the good news for the rest of you- They don't have the best parties or the dirtiest sex. They will overpay for Levis with the knees worn out and Stratocasters with the finish worn off for authenticity.

This is not some new phenomena. There's an ebb and a flow. Your best bet is probably to trade them some magic beans for their family cow. That, or sell them your beat up old Stratocaster on Ebay.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

The Difference Between Whining and Winning

How can I possibly live "in the moment" if I am always paying attention to the command, "wait for it," on some social media post? More often than not the cat just falls off the counter top.

In my world, irreverence trumps gravitas every time.

Try to have fun while you save the world and always be kind. How hard can it be?


Thursday, February 29, 2024

Crank Case Goo


I read the news today, oh boy! Is it me or is the world crumbing? Of course, I would love to think that it's just humans. We seem to have decided to take polar bears, most orchids and 90% of the insects with us. Now, I've lived through assassinations, doomsday scenarios and the end of rock'n'roll. This seems, somehow, sadder.

Probably my scariest scenario has always been that I would find it all, right at the end. 

Well, dear friends- I seem to have found it all. 

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Monday, February 19, 2024

Allow Us To Choose For You


Bomb shelters, face masks, race riots and polio. If you're not afraid, you're not paying attention. Governments and religions rely on you remaining insecure enough to pay through the nose for protection. Of course, not everyone pays his share.

Adam and Eve were doing fine until that blasted snake brought that confound apple to the dinner party. They learned that they were naked and that they were gonna kick the bucket at some point. What a party, huh? Gimme a break! I'm from Alabama and I know when I'm naked and I'm well aware of my mortality.

The secret is that there is no secret. Knock yourself out. Hold hands when you can. Eat cake for breakfast and laugh when you get a chance. It's never inappropriate. Tell 'em I said so. Cry if you need to, or rather, when you need to. It's okay. This is it, dear friend- don't miss a minute.

Friday, February 16, 2024

Blue and Gray Skies

Programmed to worry about something, peace of mind is a task for all of us. If you're lucky enough to figure it out, you've got it made. That, or you're just shiftless and lazy. Either way, pal, it's just semantics.

You know the end. Everything up to that point is up to you. Well, up to you and luck, I suppose. You of the religious ilk will dispute this part. 

Me, I'm eating Valentine candy as if it's going out of style and making plans for sunny weather. Trust me. Have I ever lied to you?

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.


Sunday, January 28, 2024

Mad Englishmen and Dogs

For some of us it's hard to accept that there is no hurry. I don't know where we're going but I'm pretty sure we're all going to the same place. The very idea that old men continue to trick young men into fighting breaks my heart. Oh, I remember when I had such high hopes for mankind. That was, of course, all before Milli Vanilli.

Time marches in that one direction and I continue to have everything I've ever wanted. When they tell you to be careful what you wish for, just ignore them. They're the same ones who told you that the meek will inherit the earth.

Don't trade your soul for green paper, either. Slow down. Enjoy dreams. Love wildly, carelessly.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.


Friday, January 19, 2024

When It Rains


This is it, isn't it? It's not really that there is no meaning to life. It's just that this is it. Of course I don't possess the vocabulary to describe it, but neither did Einstein, Buddha, Elizabeth Barrett Browning or Pythagoras. 

It's the end that we learn to dread. Few of us have the imagination to imagine whatever life is without us. Except for history majors, we're mostly arrogant enough to conclude that everything that came before us was just an opening act. 

Listen pal- I may be an insignificant speck on another insignificant speck in a vast cosmos, but I'm just as significant as any other speck on his own. Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think.



Sunday, January 14, 2024

Formal Attire

While I grieved my loss of rock'n'roll, I kept my mind off other loss. Real loss. It finally dawns on me that rock'n'roll was merely symbolic of my youth, my innocence. It could have been football or religion. 

If you're looking for the meaning of life, searching for truth, well, buddy- this is it. 

Turn the love up to 10 and live. Hotcha!


Saturday, January 6, 2024

Train Time

What a night! I was nine years old and I had just watched Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers follow the Drifters onstage who had brought out their special guest for the evening, Clyde McPhatter, who was home on-leave in his U.S. Army uniform. 

We were waiting for Bo Diddley and the Platters; the Teen Queens and, of course, the headliners, Bill Haley and the Comets. Great goodness!

Suddenly the familiar riff from Tweedlee Dee wafted through the cavernous armory walls with that wondrous clang of the holy cowbell. The spotlight shone on the sequinned shape at the foot of the stage steps. LaVern Baker raised both arms and snapped her fingers. Two of the guys from the band dutifully dropped their horns and ran to the steps, lifting Ms. Baker by her elbows to the stage. Her dress, above the crinolinely flare, was too tight to walk up the steps.

If that wasn't the height of Western civilization up till then, it was close.


Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Never Said Never


Stories use me. Yeah, they probably get frustrated with my attention span, or really, my lack of attention span. There's a real world and there's perception. I've lost track, somehow, of whether this is the dream or the reality. 

Kindness is the key and love is the answer. Everything else is filler.

I've meant to tell you that I love you.