When Futurists Retire

My philosophy has always come from the best sources that I can find. Pythagoras, Don Garlits, Mae West, Jesus, Howdy Doody, Grandma, Buddha... you know, the usual suspects.

Recently, while wasting time on social media or doing important research, depending on whether you lean towards Howdy or Jesus, I came across a rambling stream from Brigitte Bardot about the joys of old age.

She theorised that anxiety is nothing but worry about the future. At some point, there is no future.

Once again, I take my wisdom where I find it. She was already on the list. I guess you knew that.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

What I Don't Know

Wisdom, I always assumed, meant an abundance of knowledge. Now, don't misunderstand me- I'm not making any claim to wisdom here. I have to admit that getting older and accumulating a few more facts has changed me somewhat.

If there's anything that I'm sure of at this point, it is that I don't know much. My convictions are all about love and kindness. I suppose they always have been.

Every living thing thrives with love and I'm not sure that the same might not be true for most inanimate objects. Hey, what have you got to lose?

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

Sunburn Memories

 

Cake for breakfast, veggie hot dogs for lunch and now we're putting away the crisps, or potato chips as the colonists say, as though these are the last ones on earth. Don't worry- we spent a good fifteen or twenty minutes at the gym.

If these are the end times that those lunatics pray for, I don't want to leave a tart behind.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

When Dreams Collide

There are those who remember every perceived slight. Even those that didn't occur. 

Buck up, they say.

What, and end up like the rest of them?

 

Green Bananas and Morphine

When I filled her prescription for morphine, it was for a ninety day supply. Hansel had told me that she had three months. Every morning, as I took one tablet out, I counted my blessings. By the time that the last few pills rattled around the plastic bottle, my heart was in pieces. 

Sure enough, just as we got to the last dose, I knew it was time to make the call. It was the longest three months of my long life and the shortest; the sweetest and the saddest.

These days I notice the level of every bottle of shampoo, every decanter of brandy. I don't want to miss a moment.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

Rattler's Pup's Pup

So you are pretty sure that your idea of the world is the real story and that the rest of us have it all wrong, right? The ones who see it the most like you are the ones that come the closest to having it right. Right? Am I right?

That means that only one of us has it right. What if that one died last Wednesday? Or six hundred years back! 

You do realise that your odds of winning a lottery, any lottery, are way better than your world vision being the one, right?

What if nobody has the winning ticket? Hey! That's more or less my idea, so that one can't be right under my own rules.

I'm still holding up mirrors to mirrors.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

I've Heard Them

Just when you think luck has nothing to do with it, another pot of gold shows up under some rainbow that you never noticed in the middle of your backyard.

I've heard it all ends. I suppose it has to eventually.

Make hay while the sun shines. That, or do one of those other things that wiser, older folks always suggested.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

A Sinking Ship

I've never understood why the captain or anyone else would go down with a ship, rats included. Now I find myself feeling almost guilty about abandoning the good ol' US of A during these dark hours. It breaks my heart to see the divisions that seem to grow deeper by the day. 

Oh, I've been around for long enough so that I remember other dark days. When those four little girls died at the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, I was sixteen years old. Two months later President Kennedy was taken from us.

Somehow, these dark days seem to represent something more ominous, if that's even possible.

I have a lot of friends who assume that I left the USA because of the turmoil. Of course those around me know that true love brought me to a new home. 

None of us are helpless. It's not about politics or religion, taxes or taste. It's about love. Do your part, then do some more. Smother that hate with all the love you've got on you.

 

Feeling My Oats

 

It's all about the luck at the end of the day, isn't it? I suppose I should ask "innit?"

We're all born, at least all of us here. The ultimate "good luck," I suppose, unless you're born into a sad, painful existence. Then it's the ultimate "bad luck."

We're all gonna die. No exceptions so far. 

That event must be the opposite of the birth experience.

In between, it's all boy meets girl, boy loses girl stuff. Be wary of anyone who tries to tell you that they have only good luck or only bad luck. 

Meantime, enjoy the ride. Don't let the birds sing for nothing. Get your share of the joy and try to get some to your neighbor.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

How Many More Summers?

 

Do you suppose that a moth has any idea of how little time he has? You know Dr. Einstein said that time only exists so that everything doesn't happen at once. Would you consider that the beauty of everything around you is wildly enhanced by the idea that it won't last?

Take care of your memories and make plenty of new ones.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

If Only

Who knows how many "owners" old Jonathan has gone through at this point. At one hundred and ninety one or ninety two, who's counting, who really cares. I find myself wondering if the old boy misses any of them. Do you suppose that he sits around thinking wistfully, " Humans are so wonderful. If only they lived longer."

Make the most of whatever you've got. Love like crazy and eat pudding.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

How Fast?

Neither time, nor god, at this point, is on my side. That's alright. I've dodged every sling, arrow and radiator cap for a very long time and know good luck when I see it. I was always in it for the long haul. I just didn't know it. 

Wisdom is all about the realisation that you don't know much. 

Everybody's a singer but not everybody finds his song.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

All Scores Settled

 

Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. You do what you can. You do your best. Don't miss the magic and the miracles by worrying about other folks' business. Love like crazy at every opportunity. Watch out for the sunrises and the sunsets and play in the puddles.

Take good care of the animals and the ones who can't take care of themselves.

If you find your mind in the gutter, consider it meditation.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Don't Play

 

Cheaters never win. The meek shall inherit the earth. Those are lies perpetuated by Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and my next-door neighbor. If you can cheat and get away with it, you'll win.

Oh, I hope that doesn't sound like I advocate cheating. It's just that I have my own definition of "winning."

Money is not the root of all evil. Never was. Evil is the root of all evil.

Seems to me, if you do what you do for money, you're missing the point. Try love. Get back to me. Let me know how that works out for you.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Love's Supply Chain

 

Love's like money, isn't it? There's enough to go 'round, but there's a serious distribution problem. We need, somehow, to get it into the orphanages, the animal shelters, Washington D.C., Gaza.

Give it all away. You'll never run out and you'll never regret it. They'll make fun of you. Enjoy every minute.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Home Again

 

Well, it's warm over there, I'll give you that. It's always great to see old friends. Of course I miss more than I'm able to see. I'll be back before too long. Meantime, there's no place like home and home is where the heart is. Oh, I could go on and on with the cornball maxims. 

These days I live life. I spent the early part preparing. It took all I had to invent George Ronald Elliott. Turns out the Social Security number and driver's license weren't adequate. Schools, jobs and social pressure were never enough to bend me properly. 

Now in our Portland, the locals proudly sport "Keep Portland Weird" bumper stickers just like the folks in the other Portland.

I'll do what I can.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Better Late

Evidence indicates that I should have done something different with my life. I seem to have figured it out, to the extent that it can be figured out, here in the last few years. I hope that doesn't mean that I wasted the rest of it.

Then again, I'm pretty sure that "wasting it" is our primary function. 

Oh, I would save the world if I could. 

Love when you can and where you can, just as hard as you can.

 

Maybe You Can Go Home

 

Ol' Thomas Wolfe claimed you can never go home. Frankly, I believe it's just all in how you describe "home." 

I'm going to Florida in a few days. Tampa. I lived there from the time I was seven years old until about two years ago when I moved to Great Britain. 

Going back to Tampa won't be going home, although I'll be glad to see old friends, two-legged, three-legged and four. Coming back to Dorset in a couple of weeks will. Pliny the Elder is credited with, "Home is where the heart is." I'm with Pliny.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Dogs In Polite Society

 

I had to cross an ocean. Now I live. Before I waited to live. 

Sometimes I walk in the field and sometimes I ride on the bus. I pet the dog and we're both aware of every stroke. Romance is woven into every scenario. William and Myrna would be well-cast in our fairytale story.

Hold the bubble and squeak, I'm just coming. I'll wade in the Gulf for a short visit soon and I'll drive on the right side for a couple of weeks. I still dream of peace on earth and an end to this dreadful, dreadful war.

Put The Squeeze On Verlin

Some days it don't pay to get up. What do you suppose snake handlers do on their day off? Boys, I've got better things to do than....

Wait a minute! No, I don't. I don't have a single thing to do. Oh, I could write a song. I could cut the grass. We all know that there are too many songs in the world as it is and I've written more than my fair share. The grass? I don't need to tell you that it will grow right back.

The Christian work ethic was a cruel hoax. I hope I may serve as a bad example to a few of you aspiring layabouts and ne'er-do-wells. Celebrate with me. Tell 'em you're meditating or something.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

Artists and Models and Grease Monkeys

 

We all spend our lives trying to "get back home." The longer you live, the more obvious it is, I suppose. Folks with the means travel. Some seek through spiritual paths and others find the bottle.

In my new role as the poster boy for the quest, home found me. Now, to be clear, without Kate as the delivery agent, I wasn't going to find anything. It took me years to give up my dream to move to England and two weeks to get it back. 

Home is where they drive on the wrong side of the street. Home is where Kate lives.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thirsty

 

These days I keep up with friends mostly through dreams. When I arrived in England, I wondered if I would hear regularly from the people in my life. I don't. 

For a sentimental fool like me, you would think that would be a tragedy of some degree. It's not.

Memories have always been my greatest treasures. These new ones are divine.

I hope this doesn't translate as some idea that I don't miss anyone. I do. I'll see you in my dreams.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

All The Saints Are Self-Employed

 

You fix what you can in this world. Sometimes the rules aren't fair. You can't always use that as your excuse. Just make sure that you're not missing any of the magic by tilting at the wrong windmills.

There aren't many valid excuses for not being kind. Righteous indignation shouldn't stop the party.

Take care of the lonely ones and don't pass up dessert.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war. I'll see you in Florida in April.

I Don't Play Frumps or Virgins

We're all going to end up with the same prize. We might as well have some fun along the way. Everyone eventually discovers that there is a "worry quota" that can't be denied. Let's face it, if they hadn't set up the customer call centre somewhere in the middle of India, you would have some other monumental crisis to fill your day.

Remind yourself of the miracles. Keep in mind that you've never experienced anyone who was too kind. Don't take anyone or anything too seriously, but don't take anyone for granted.

If you don't believe in magic, maybe you should get up in time for the sunrise tomorrow. If you don't believe in ghosts, maybe you should spend some time remembering that last dog. The one before, too.

As you can see, spell check has continued to "correct" some of my gibberish into the proper British form

and not the rest, so that I come across as a half-literate imbecile regardless of where you read this dribble. There- now I have something to worry about for the next little while.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

Heartstung

 

The folks who make the rules make rules for the folks who make the rules. Majorities don't always decide. The trick would seem to be to convince the masses that your concern is for them.

Seems to me that, unless you're born to the ruling class, the only way to win is to refuse to play. Oh, you can marry into it, or you can grovel and claw your way in. Even then, you're not really one of them, are you?

Your kids won't really be in the club, either. Their kids might, if everybody keeps his eye on the ball. 

Here's the good news for the rest of you- They don't have the best parties or the dirtiest sex. They will overpay for Levis with the knees worn out and Stratocasters with the finish worn off for authenticity.

This is not some new phenomena. There's an ebb and a flow. Your best bet is probably to trade them some magic beans for their family cow. That, or sell them your beat up old Stratocaster on Ebay.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

The Difference Between Whining and Winning

How can I possibly live "in the moment" if I am always paying attention to the command, "wait for it," on some social media post? More often than not the cat just falls off the counter top.

In my world, irreverence trumps gravitas every time.

Try to have fun while you save the world and always be kind. How hard can it be?

 

Crank Case Goo

 

I read the news today, oh boy! Is it me or is the world crumbing? Of course, I would love to think that it's just humans. We seem to have decided to take polar bears, most orchids and 90% of the insects with us. Now, I've lived through assassinations, doomsday scenarios and the end of rock'n'roll. This seems, somehow, sadder.

Probably my scariest scenario has always been that I would find it all, right at the end. 

Well, dear friends- I seem to have found it all. 

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

Allow Us To Choose For You

 

Bomb shelters, face masks, race riots and polio. If you're not afraid, you're not paying attention. Governments and religions rely on you remaining insecure enough to pay through the nose for protection. Of course, not everyone pays his share.

Adam and Eve were doing fine until that blasted snake brought that confound apple to the dinner party. They learned that they were naked and that they were gonna kick the bucket at some point. What a party, huh? Gimme a break! I'm from Alabama and I know when I'm naked and I'm well aware of my mortality.

The secret is that there is no secret. Knock yourself out. Hold hands when you can. Eat cake for breakfast and laugh when you get a chance. It's never inappropriate. Tell 'em I said so. Cry if you need to, or rather, when you need to. It's okay. This is it, dear friend- don't miss a minute.

Blue and Gray Skies

Programmed to worry about something, peace of mind is a task for all of us. If you're lucky enough to figure it out, you've got it made. That, or you're just shiftless and lazy. Either way, pal, it's just semantics.

You know the end. Everything up to that point is up to you. Well, up to you and luck, I suppose. You of the religious ilk will dispute this part. 

Me, I'm eating Valentine candy as if it's going out of style and making plans for sunny weather. Trust me. Have I ever lied to you?

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

Mad Englishmen and Dogs

For some of us it's hard to accept that there is no hurry. I don't know where we're going but I'm pretty sure we're all going to the same place. The very idea that old men continue to trick young men into fighting breaks my heart. Oh, I remember when I had such high hopes for mankind. That was, of course, all before Milli Vanilli.

Time marches in that one direction and I continue to have everything I've ever wanted. When they tell you to be careful what you wish for, just ignore them. They're the same ones who told you that the meek will inherit the earth.

Don't trade your soul for green paper, either. Slow down. Enjoy dreams. Love wildly, carelessly.

Give us peace on earth and end this dreadful, dreadful war.

 

When It Rains

 

This is it, isn't it? It's not really that there is no meaning to life. It's just that this is it. Of course I don't possess the vocabulary to describe it, but neither did Einstein, Buddha, Elizabeth Barrett Browning or Pythagoras. 

It's the end that we learn to dread. Few of us have the imagination to imagine whatever life is without us. Except for history majors, we're mostly arrogant enough to conclude that everything that came before us was just an opening act. 

Listen pal- I may be an insignificant speck on another insignificant speck in a vast cosmos, but I'm just as significant as any other speck on his own. Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think.

 

 

Formal Attire

While I grieved my loss of rock'n'roll, I kept my mind off other loss. Real loss. It finally dawns on me that rock'n'roll was merely symbolic of my youth, my innocence. It could have been football or religion. 

If you're looking for the meaning of life, searching for truth, well, buddy- this is it. 

Turn the love up to 10 and live. Hotcha!

 

Train Time

What a night! I was nine years old and I had just watched Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers follow the Drifters onstage who had brought out their special guest for the evening, Clyde McPhatter, who was home on-leave in his U.S. Army uniform. 

We were waiting for Bo Diddley and the Platters; the Teen Queens and, of course, the headliners, Bill Haley and the Comets. Great goodness!

Suddenly the familiar riff from Tweedlee Dee wafted through the cavernous armory walls with that wondrous clang of the holy cowbell. The spotlight shone on the sequinned shape at the foot of the stage steps. LaVern Baker raised both arms and snapped her fingers. Two of the guys from the band dutifully dropped their horns and ran to the steps, lifting Ms. Baker by her elbows to the stage. Her dress, above the crinolinely flare, was too tight to walk up the steps.

If that wasn't the height of Western civilization up till then, it was close.

 

Never Said Never

 

Stories use me. Yeah, they probably get frustrated with my attention span, or really, my lack of attention span. There's a real world and there's perception. I've lost track, somehow, of whether this is the dream or the reality. 

Kindness is the key and love is the answer. Everything else is filler.

I've meant to tell you that I love you.