Expert Witness, Ex-Pat Blues

"Would you be willing to consider that you're more sentimental than she is?"

"So, can we agree that she's an extrovert and you're an introvert?"

Let me express my heartfelt gratitude for the women who have dragged me off to therapy.

As a kid, I pored over movie magazines. I had my favorites, of course. I would be lying to you if I said that Alan Ladd or Jeff Chandler meant as much to me as Tuesday Weld or Jayne Mansfield. My life preparation was based, pretty much, on Photoplay and Modern Screen.

It became obvious to me that movie stars all had psychiatrists. In my youthful naivety, I concluded that movie stars were all crazy.

My first experience with a therapist had one purpose. Once I was pronounced "crazy" we could solve all our problems. Of course that pronouncement came quickly in the first session. No surprise. When the other person in the room was tagged a minute or two later, the tears began.

Suddenly I realized that movie stars are all wealthy. They have therapists because they can afford therapists. We all need them!

These days, I'm old and I'm not wealthy. I'm alone and still crazy. Life's pretty good.