Out of the more or less clear blue I find myself this morning doubting the relevance of rock'n'roll in my life. Talk about your slow learners!
Oh, it's not the first time that I've questioned it. This time, though, it's not the byproduct of some financial crisis. It has nothing to do with some failed romance or any dealings with self-important suits who couldn't sell culture.
No, this is all about self delusion. The music? No regrets on this end. I've known myself, if only a bit, and I've communicated with folks that I would never have known.
It's the business, the fashion, the facade.
Of course I would love to believe that I would have done exactly as I have without Elvis. Nope. Without Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly. No way. The Beatles. Ha!
Let me put this in a better perspective. I'm glad I didn't cheat anyone to make my way. I feel fortunate to have been given a moral code from the women who raised me to keep me on a crooked but narrow path for all these years. I'm grateful, in hindsight, that the girls never threw themselves at my feet.
Maybe I wanted the money. Maybe I coveted the fame. The interest in the women was always with me.
Somehow though, the fact that I've zigged when zagging was all the rage reveals everything that you need to know about this so-called career. I'm naive, not dumb. Not too dumb.
It's all about the love. The rock'n'roll is just to ease the pain.