Sunday, January 6, 2013

Open

"He has no filters." I don't know if this hackneyed jewel is making it onto any of those lists of phrases that should be dropped or not but it's got my vote. Of course I have no filters.

It's one of those traits like eccentricity, I suppose. Sorta' comes into fashion for short bursts. I never really thought of myself as eccentric but folks will let you know.

So, here's the deal. I'll tell anybody anything. If you've read much of this drivel you know that by now. I've always been just a little bit shy about the women in my life, however. "Ronny's got a girlfriend. Ronny's got a girlfriend." I'm a foot-shuffler by nature. I'm usually pretty shy and tongue tied around folks that I don't know well. My big fear, looking back, was that the chatter might escalate to "Ronny and Alison, sitting in a tree..."

I would like to think that it's merely a measure of my chivalry and that I have tried to protect the reputation and the honor of the women that I love. You don't buy that one, do you?

So it's time for me to admit to you, and more importantly maybe, to me that I truly love the women in my life. As romances fade and marriages crumble, as crushes dissolve and girlfriends vanish, I have always claimed boldly that there was no basis for the relationship to begin with. My heart lets me in on a secret: I love, I love hard and I love forever.

I've been mean and I've been angry and I've used hurt as my excuse. There is no excuse. I rode my bike by Alison's house several thousand times between the third grade and the sixth grade. If she lived there now I would probably go today. She's still my pal but I never asked her out. No rejection! I was never angry at her and I'm glad. She never loved me. At least she never was in love with me. Lots of folks have never been in love with me. I get it.

Now, though, I take some kind of weird inventory and my heart threatens the seams. I have love, and lots of it, for everyone. I have big love for the women who have taken up space in my heart. The inventory is more extensive than the photos available to me. It's not really important. They're all in my heart. I hope I have some small part in theirs. Now, I guess, I've told you everything.


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